


Silent Chambers of the Soul

by Kellygirl



Category: Firefly
Genre: Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-02-18
Updated: 2003-02-18
Packaged: 2019-04-29 08:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14468586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kellygirl/pseuds/Kellygirl
Summary: A/U set a year after 'Safe' where Mal didn't rescue Simon and River.





	Silent Chambers of the Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).

 

Silent Chambers of the Soul

## Silent Chambers of the Soul

### by Kellygirl

Title: Silent Chambers of the Soul (Pt 1) Author: Kellygirl  
Email: Kelly_girl1232003@yahoo.com  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: None  
Archive: Yes  
Notes: Thanks to Cabiria for the quick and wonderful beta. The title is from a quote from Ezra Taft Benson, "Some of the greatest battles will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul." Disclaimer: Not mine, Joss and Tim own all. I'm just borrowing and no money is being made. Feedback: Would be appreciated  
Summary: This goes A/U after 'Safe.' What if someone else had rescued Simon and River? This takes place a year after that. 

In the darkened tavern, Mal rests his elbows on a table and gives off the impression that he is relaxed with not a care in the world. He's perfectly aware of how many hours have passed since he found his mark. He takes an occasional drink and tries not to stare at the man sitting on the floor across from him. His head is down, his hair a little longer, but Mal knows it's him. He should recognize the man because not a day has gone by in the last year that he hasn't looked at his picture. The guilt he's managed to push away threatens to make a return but now is not the time. A few more hands of poker and he should have the slimy tavern keeper exactly where he wants him. It doesn't hurt that the florid faced man sitting across from him has heard of Captain Malcolm Reynolds. Luckily word hasn't reached this planet about his single-minded search this past year. If it had, old Kyle here wouldn't have brought out his "pet" to try and impress him. Mal plays a decent game of poker but knows how to cheat better. 

Two hours later he knows any minute Kyle will try and make some deal with him since he doesn't have the funds to cover what he now owes Mal. The luh-suh tavern's not worth much but out here on one of the border moons it does better business than it would other places. Still thirty five hundred credits is a lot to anybody out here, Mal included. At least he'd stopped touching the boy sitting at his feet. If Mal had to keep watching him caress thick dark hair and stroke the hidden neck he would have shot him. When the sweaty man's eyes meet the Captain's all he sees are piercing blue eyes looking at him, steady, waiting for his money. This is what he gets for thinking he could play and win with this man. He knew he was dangerous, but couldn't resist when the Captain had walked over and asked to be dealt in. They'd started the game with seven players but the others had gotten out when they saw the Captain was serious. The bragging he'd planned on about how he had beat the heroic Malcolm Reynolds in a card game was not going to happen. He didn't have enough money to cover his debt and that meant out here in the black he was in serious trouble. 

"I don't have that type of money Captain." He leaned over and lowered his voice. "Perhaps we can make some sort of deal. I have a lot of contacts and people owe me favors. Tell me something you want or need and I'll get it for you. I know that won't cover my debt but I'm sure a few favors will be sufficient." He waited, hoping the man would take him up on his offer. If word got around he couldn't pay his bets, he'd be ruined. 

Mal takes his time, knowing that the longer he waits the more desperate Kyle will become until he'll be frantic to give him whatever he wants. For good measure he lets his hands settle on his holster where they can't be seen. "Well, we've had a pretty good run lately. Nothin really that I need and I'm not a man who discusses his wants with just anybody. Some folks may find them a little...exotic." 

He lets his eyes rest on the bowed head of the man sitting on the floor, making sure Kyle notices. He does and seems to relax. Who would have guessed he and the infamous Captain would share the same unique inclinations? He understood the warning that if he went blabbing this little tidbit about he most likely would end up dead. But if he played this right the Captain might become a valued ally. He flinched when the sharp eyes looked at him again. 

"How much money you got? Do you have half? A third? What?" 

Kyle does some quick calculations and knows he can get the Captain a third of the money and still be OK. He nods, "I can get you a third if you can wait til tomorrow." His only answer is the man standing up and looking grim. He stutters, "Am-am I right that you want use of my pet? I can arrange for a room, the best in the place!" 

He throws himself against his chair as the Captain leans over him. His answer comes out in a cold whisper, "Wrong, I don't want 'use' of your pretty pet. I 'want' him. Might be nice to own something looks like that. You got a problem with it then get me all of my money." 

Kyle curses knowing he is about to lose his favorite toy. The boy can still bring in a crowd just by his looks alone. Not that he lets anybody have a go at him. He saves him for real special occasions. He sighs. Looks like he'll have to get something or someone else to entertain him. The man standing over him did not like hearing no and everyone knew he was lightning quick with that gun. 

"No, I got no problem. He's worth more than what I owe you though." He decides to push and see where it gets him. All it gets him is a shrug and a smirk. 

"So you say. He ain't moved since we started the game. Could be something wrong with him." He pauses, and Kyle hopes he doesn't pull his gun the way he's stroking it. "Tell you what. Give me a room and I'll try him out. In the morning I expect my money and any papers you have on him to be in my hands. If not then you're going to have some major problems. Dong Ma?" 

Kyle nods and stands to go make sure the room is ready. Before he leaves he nudges the young man sitting on the floor. "I know you're awake. Get up, get some towels and bring the Captain to room six." He waits until the boy gets up off the floor. He smiles at Mal, "He's smarter than he looks. Quiet but very pleasing to look at. Has some medical training so he comes in use in other ways. Of course his best use is his body. It can achieve some amazing things." He walks away before he sees the murder in the Captain's eyes. 

Mal waits as the boy gets up. He's wearing brown leather pants and a beige long sleeved shirt that doesn't hide much. It has no buttons so glimpses of a pale chest are easily seen. Even more easily seen is a leather and gold necklace looped twice around the mans' neck. The intertwining style denotes to all that the boy is owned by someone. The gold says rich someone. The boy turns and leads Mal down a hallway to room six. When they enter, Mal looks around the room, already knowing there are no microphones or cameras. That information didn't cost him as much as it should have since Kyle has a lot of disgruntled ex employees. He turns and looks at the man standing by the door, head still down, hands clasped in front of him. He frowns, "Would you look at me? I didn't figure on spending the night in this place but we'll make the best of it and be on our way back to Serenity tomorrow." 

Blue-gray eyes meet his and Mal is relieved to see no visible marks on the face before him. He looks almost the same but to someone like Mal who knew him from before, his eyes look...not wild, just weird. There is no shock or relief in those eyes as Simon Tam offers in a quiet whisper, "What would you have me do Captain?" 

Mal steps up close but Simon doesn't blink or step back. Chest tight, mind racing at the possibilities he whispers, "Do you know who I am? Do you remember me Simon?" 

The small laugh from the man in front of him doesn't reassure Mal in the least. He steps back as Simon moves around him and sits on the bed. 

"Of course I know who you are! Really Captain I know you are not one for stupid questions but I guess anyone can have an off day. Now what do you want to do while you're here?" 

Mal walks slowly to the bed and sits down beside the smiling man. Something's off and until he can figure out what, he is prepared for anything. He takes out a communicator and calls Zoe. He tells her the plan has changed and he will be back tomorrow. He gives her the password they agreed upon so she knows he's not being forced to call her. When she asks if he found what he's been looking for he tells her yes and turns the comm off. He is looking at Simon the entire time and Simon is looking around the room and back at him. He pokes the Captain's leg with his finger then presses his entire hand onto his thigh. Mal doesn't stop him, just wonders where this is leading. 

"Wow, you're usually not this solid. Must be some bad stuff going on if you feel like this." He pokes Mal in his side and upper arm, tugs on his hair. 

Mal grabs his hand and holds it between his. "What are you talking about?" Simon's hand is cold, and Mal feels goose bumps creep up his spine when Simon starts to speak. 

"You know what I'm talking about. I have this little daydream every time I can't handle whatever someone is doing to me. I haven't had them in awhile but must be something pretty big for me to retreat into my mind like this." 

Mals' stomach flutters as he listens to Simon talk to what he thinks is himself. Sometimes he talks fast, sometimes he smiles or frowns, all lightening quick. Mal's got to wonder if being smart makes you more likely to be crazy. Maybe the Tams have some strain of insanity running through their family. What are the odds that the sister and brother would both be prone to going crazy? He knows River is the way she is because of what the Alliance did to her, and he guesses Simon must have been through some pretty rough stuff the past year to make him like this. He wants to shake Simon and demand he stop but figures that won't help. 

"Simon, Simon I'm really here. I've been searching for you ever since Jiangyen. We came back for you and River but those Hillfolk said some men had taken you two, right before they were set to burn you both. Now I need you to tell me where River's at. We been searching for you both but could only find rumors about you." 

He won't ever tell Simon what the rumors they found told them. Tales of pretty men being kept are hard to track down but it didn't take them long to hear about a young man with doctoring skills and upper class breeding. When they finally tracked down someone who had actually seen Simon, Mal had taken great pleasure in killing him. The waste of space had sat at their table and made Kaylee cry when he described Simon tied to a bed and used as a party favor. 

It had been Jayne who dragged the man outside and in a gray stench ridden alley Mal had watched as Jayne made sure they knew everything the man had known. Some of the things Jayne did with his knife Mal had seen and a lot he hadn't. Never wanted to see them again really. Mal had shot the blood-covered man and met Jayne's eyes over his body. Asked him if he'd felt better because he knew he didn't. Mal wasn't surprised when Jayne shook his head. Only told him to get back to the boat and clean up. He'd gathered the rest of his somber crew and they'd left that planet to go to another in hope of more rumors, gossip and clues. 

Now Mal sees that his worrying and guilt are not over. The young man he once knew is no more. The man he knew would have been frantic with worry over River. He'd be threatening Mal or pushing him anyway he could to find her. He sighs and removes his boots, places them at the foot of the gaudy bed and pulls his suspenders down. Mal figures they can get an early start in the morning because there is no need to hang around here. The crew can go somewhere and rest a few days. The past year hasn't lent itself much time for relaxing and the rest of the crew deserves it. He can try to untangle Simon and see if he can't get a clue as to where to search for River. The past year had given him contacts that he paid a lot of money to check if the Alliance had her back. He still isn't a hundred percent positive they didn't, but he had to keep searching. He looks at the man on the bed and finds him watching him with a small smile on his face. The smile seems normal lookin but then Mal doesn't remember Simon smiling. He remembers him nervous and worried. Smart mouthed too. 

"We should get some sleep. Got some stuff to do tomorrow." He notices right away that his words have an effect on Simon. 

He stops smiling and frowns, looks around the room as if just now seeing it. "This is all wrong. This is not going the way these things usually do. We should be having a drink and laughing by now or in bed having sex." 

Mal frowns then raises an eyebrow to Simon's low muttered words. Having Sex? Realizes he said it out loud when Simon turns piercing eyes on him. 

"Yes, having sex. That way I don't have to think about the man using my body or the people using my body. In here I get a choice as to whom I share my body with and while at first I didn't think it was you, over time your image became clearer and clearer. We always have a conversation about us leaving in the morning, that it'll be just this one night then you'll take me back to Serenity." 

He gets up and Mal watches him pace. His bare feet make no noise on the floor and Mal lies on the bed. He's tired but knows he can't really relax his guard in case Kyle decides to become more stupid than he already is and try and kill him. Simon continues pacing and talking to himself. "Just rest now Simon. You'll see it's not a dream tomorrow." He keeps still as Simon approaches the bed cautiously and sits down. Doesn't move when a hand sweeps over his face touching it lightly. 

Mal dozes lightly beside a sleeping Simon, listening for any noises and knowing tomorrow is going to be tough. But every day is tough so that ain't what's worrying him. Rest of them's got their hopes up by now. Zoe would have told them he found Simon. They won't expect him to be the way he is now and he knows it's going to hurt them, especially Kaylee. The others will be worried, except maybe Inara. She'd been a big help this past year. She'd educated him about this sordid world, told him all that she could learn through the guild. He never asked but thinks some of the information she gave him she got through illegal means. Last night he'd found himself in her shuttle talking and she'd tried to tell him that Simon was not going to be the same. She didn't know what shape he would be in but told Mal with sad eyes that if he'd survived this long, he had a strong will but he could be a very different person than the one he had taken onto his ship. He'll worry about that when the time comes to worry about it. 

Mal wakes the next morning gritty eyed and wanting coffee. Impatient, he nudges Simon, who wakes immediately and looks around wildly. Mal watches, as he seems to relax and remember what happened last night. "You got some stuff you want to take with you? I'm ready to go and the sooner the better." He hopes Simon doesn't start talking about how this must all be a dream. Least not until they get back to Serenity. Things need to go smooth if their going to make it out of here without tipping Kyle off that Mal knew Simon before last night. Pulling on his boots he watches as Simon uses the sink to wash his face and look in the mirror. 

They leave the room together and Mal finds Kyle in his office. He puts on a pleasant smile, wondering if he needs to kill this man. Shrugs as Kyle begins to talk. He can always return if it calls for it. Kyle hands him papers on Simon showing whom he bought him from; they list Simon as an 'indentured' servant. He looks at them briefly knowing that he'll study them later to track the other people that abused Simon down. While Simon is gathering anything he wants to take with him Mal counts the money Kyle hands him. 

"So did you enjoy him? He's a very talented man and the things his mouth can..." His voice dies off as he looks at a man with the purest look of rage he has ever seen on anyone's face. Gorramit! Why did he have to open his mouth? Kyle hoped the man would not kill him. Just then Simon appears in the door, the same small bag he had carried with him when Kyle had bought him; he has with him now. Normally Kyle would want to check the bag but decides it's not important. Anything that will get this maniac out of his office quicker will be fine. The Captain looks at his new property then back at him. 

"Now when we leave I don't expect anybody to follow us. Also you may want to think about it before you go spreadin' any tales about how you paid me. Might just want to say I beat you, you paid me, and that's the end of the story. Dong ma?" Kyle nods his head quickly and breathes a deep sigh of relief when Captain Reynolds ushers his former property out the door. He thinks he is home free when he sees the older man pause and turn back around. 

"You put that collar on him?" Kyle doesn't know how but he knows if he answers the question the wrong way he will be dead before he hits the ground. "No, no when I bought him he was already wearing it. I examined it and it's very fine quality but it can't be taken off." Blue eyes light like lasers and seem to look into his head. The Captain leaves without a word and Kyle decides to have a little whiskey with his morning coffee. 

Simon is waiting for him outside the door. He doesn't say anything and Mal is glad because he's in an unpredictable mood. They make their way out the tavern and through the empty streets that look even more desolate in the daylight. A mile later they reach the end of the town and Mal can see Serenity. A gasp alerts him to the man beside him and he looks at Simon. He's still wearing the beige shirt and brown leather pants he had on last night plus he has on brown boots. He stands still and Mal wonders if he's about to faint. His face pales at an alarming rate and he seems to be swaying. Panicked eyes meet his and Mal moves closer just in case. 

"So it wasn't a dream? Y-you really did come for me?" Mal takes his elbow and leads him slowly toward the ship. 

"Yeah I did Simon." He wants to say other things and make all sorts of promises to the shivering man but doesn't. They get to the ramp and Simon pulls away from him. He looks back toward town and Mal turns, gun already out. No one is behind them and he really hopes he won't have to drag Simon on board. The ramp is down and he can see the crew trying not to stare. Just when he decides to take Simons' arm he turns back around and walks slowly up the ramp. Mal follows behind him knowing there will be plenty questions that he'll have to answer before the day is over. 

#### If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Kellygirl


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